A $15,000 Credit Card, a Spare Bedroom and Unpaid Babysitting: 7 Parent Dilemmas Virginians Can Judge

When a grown kid asks for help, saying no can feel harder than writing a check.

Some parents have taken that question to Reddit’s popular AITA forum, where people ask strangers to judge whether they were in the wrong.

Virginians who’ve been in that spot may recognize a few of these stories, and the verdicts didn’t always go the parents’ way.

Note: Each story below is the poster’s account as an outlet reported it, and we haven’t independently verified any of them. This is general information, not financial or tax advice. Tax rules and dollar amounts are subject to change, so confirm the current figures with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).

1. Credit Card Debt and Retirement Savings

People reported on a mother’s Reddit post about her 20-year-old son’s $15,000 credit card balance.

She asked Reddit whether she was wrong to refuse to pay it off.

By her account, he ran up the balance on pricey clothes, restaurant meals and short trips.

He has a job.

She wrote that she’d covered his rent and car repairs in the past, a pattern with smaller money problems.

Paying this time would mean tapping retirement savings she’s spent years building, she said.

Her parents once got her out of a financial jam, so she worried he’d call her a hypocrite.

In her telling, he promises each time to get his budgeting under control, and it never sticks.

She also feared another rescue would keep him from learning to manage money.

People says commenters urged her to leave her retirement alone and have him take out a personal loan, and many said she wasn’t in the wrong.

If a request would draw on your retirement savings, you can ask where else the money could come from.

2. Tuition for a 25-Year-Old Daughter

Reddit commenters said a father was in the wrong for declining to cover tuition for his 25-year-old daughter, according to YourTango.

He wrote that he’d provided everything she needed during her weekend stays with him and had tried to teach her a strong work ethic.

In his post, he wrote that she took 18 credits and made the dean’s list each semester.

Her load later dropped to 12 credits, then six, he wrote, and she was failing biology and math.

After an argument, she stopped talking to him and relocated across the country, he wrote.

She wanted to return to school, he wrote, which meant he’d have to fund it.

By his account, he told her no.

At 25, he wrote, her schooling was no longer his responsibility.

Other commenters said his case rested on the child support he’d paid and the electronics he’d bought, with no mention of love.

You can say yes to tuition and attach conditions, such as the credits or grades your help depends on.

3. Bedroom Space for a Returning Child

In a Reddit post, a mother wrote that she agreed to take her 21-year-old daughter back in but refused to give her the largest bedroom, which was her stepson’s.

Newsweek reported that, by the mother’s account, the daughter’s stepmother had cut the daughter off over her behavior and the daughter’s father wouldn’t have her at their house.

The mother said she offered a few months in the room of a stepdaughter who was away, or the couch, while the family worked out a longer plan.

She refused to move her stepson, the mother wrote, and her husband suggested the daughter pay rent for the larger room if she wanted it that much.

The daughter then criticized her as a mother, she wrote.

The mother answered that the daughter could stay with her father instead if she kept pushing.

Newsweek couldn’t confirm the account, and it says more than 1,100 comments came in within six days, with many backing the mother.

If space is tight, you can name the room and the rent before your son or daughter arrives.

4. Unpaid Babysitting at Home

Fox News Digital reported that a father’s Reddit post asking whether he was wrong not to pay his 20-year-old daughter for babysitting drew more than 9,000 upvotes.

She lived at home without paying rent, he wrote, and he was covering her tuition.

He also said he asked her to look after his 5-year-old twin boys roughly three times a week, sometimes for work and sometimes so he could see his girlfriend.

That adds up.

When she told him the babysitting was stressful and cut into her studies, he wrote, he answered that she was acting privileged.

He added that he’d gone to school and paid bills while he and his ex-wife cared for her as a baby.

Fox says the top comment pointed out that his daughter has no kids, so babysitting wasn’t her responsibility.

One commenter said free rent can cover chores, but babysitting deserves pay.

Commenters appeared divided, but Reddit voters ultimately ruled him in the wrong.

If you rely on a grown kid for weekly childcare, you can set a rate or ask for fewer hours.

5. Student Loan Money for One Child

A mother spent $60,000 of a life insurance payout on student loans owed by her 30-year-old daughter, according to her Reddit post.

Her son wanted an equal sum in cash.

He found out, she wrote, when a text meant for his sister reached him by mistake.

People reported that, by her account, the son left high school at 15, had worked for the postal service for a few years and had no student loans.

She told him the payoff was an educational expense.

She also worried that handing him that much cash would lead to impulse spending.

She said no.

Then she asked Reddit whether she was wrong.

People says many commenters agreed she wasn’t in the wrong, and one advised promising to put an equal sum toward his education.

Another commenter said she was in the wrong because the arrangement helped only her daughter.

A big gift to one kid can invite a question from the others, so you can have your answer ready.

6. Apartment Rent for an Oldest Child

Rent and utilities on his oldest child’s apartment ran $5,000 a month, a father wrote in a post asking Reddit whether he was wrong to stop paying.

By his account, he had promised to pay for college if the child picked a degree that would support their lifestyle, and to keep helping for a year after graduation.

BuzzFeed reported that, by his account, the child graduated the year before he posted and held a job paying about $65,000 a year.

When he posted, the lease was coming up for renewal and the child wanted to sign again.

He wouldn’t cover a two-week European family vacation, though the child said the salary couldn’t stretch to it.

BuzzFeed said commenters couldn’t agree on where the blame belonged.

One commenter said he’d been wrong to pay for so much for so long but wasn’t wrong to stop now.

Others said he should have tapered the support or still covered the trip.

When you cover a grown child’s rent, you can tell them up front when the help ends.

7. Asking a Job-Hunting Daughter to Leave

After more than six months at home, a 24-year-old still had no steady job, her mother told Reddit.

Fox News Digital reported that, by the mother’s account, the daughter moved home to save on rent, and her parents never asked for any.

She wrote that her daughter never mentioned an interview, and that after months of this she felt tricked.

The couple decided the daughter should move out, she added.

The daughter asked to chip in on bills and stay, but her parents said no, the mother wrote.

The daughter moved into an aunt’s home an hour away, shared a spreadsheet of her job applications with her parents and stopped speaking to them, the mother wrote.

A family coach and attorney told the outlet the parents never set a deadline and recommended an apology.

Fox says Reddit users told the parents they were in the wrong, and many noted how long a job search can take.

When a grown child moves back in, you can settle a timeline and a rent figure before your first month together ends.

The Cost of Helping

Helping a grown child with money is common.

A 2024 Pew Research Center report found that 59% of parents of 18- to 34-year-olds said they gave financial help in the past year.

Of the parents who helped, 36% said helping hurt their finances at least some.

Money you send a grown child may be money your retirement accounts don't get.

In the first story, the mother wrote that paying would have meant tapping her retirement savings.

Gift Tax Rules for Grown Kids

Each parent can give each grown child $19,000 in 2026 under the annual gift tax exclusion, the IRS says.

That's per recipient, so you could give each of two grown children that amount.

If you wrote a $25,000 check to a son or daughter, it'd top that exclusion by $6,000.