10 White Lies That Are Kind to Tell
Being honest is typically the wisest approach and the best way to handle most situations. After all, lies often lead to unwanted repercussions.
But there are certain times where stretching the truth can actually be helpful. When handled with care, lying in the following situations might even strengthen your relationships.
1: Raising Someone Up
If your lie is going to make the other person feel better about themselves, it’s probably okay. So next time your spouse asks if you like their new haircut, you can respond in the affirmative, even if you can’t tell they got a trim.
2: When There’s No Time To Change
If, five minutes before they go on stage, your colleague asks if you like the speech they’ve been practicing, you should probably say yes, even if you think it’s the most boring oratorical you’ve ever heard. There’s no time for them to change it, so telling the truth on such short notice only serves to lower their confidence.
3: Avoiding Trouble
You know you didn’t break your boss’s favorite coffee cup, but if you admit you were rummaging through the breakroom cabinet just hours before he found the crack in its base, it’s going to look suspicious. As long as you’re not lying to protect a guilty conscience, it’s probably okay to say you haven’t been in the breakroom recently.
4: Giving Constructive Criticism
A teacher doesn’t have to tell their student his paper was the worst they’ve ever read, even if it’s the truth. Instead, they can soften the truth by noting his effort and hard work before giving him points for improvement.
5: Before a Special Occasion
You might hate your best friend’s fiance, but you probably shouldn’t tell them that five minutes before the wedding, even if they suddenly ask your opinion.
6: When It’s a Surprise
If your friend asks what you’re doing this weekend, you probably shouldn’t mention that you’re attending a surprise party in their honor. When protecting the art of a surprise, it’s almost always okay to tell a lie.
7: You’re Not Close
When you don’t know someone that well, being direct and forthcoming can backfire. The other person may question your intentions if the truth involves something hard to hear.
8: For Protection
In situations involving abuse or predatory behavior, lying to protect a victim is always okay. It would be unethical to help the perpetrator in any way.
9: Keeping Secrets
Let’s say your sister tells you she’s pregnant, but she doesn’t want people to know quite yet. It’s probably okay to lie when your mom notices she’s not drinking and asks why.
10: Protecting Reputations
Maybe you know your friend has a drug problem, and that’s why the cops were at his house last week. It’s probably okay to lie and say you know nothing about it when other friends ask. Protecting a close friend or relative’s reputation can be a good reason to fib.
Always Tell the Truth
Your parents probably told you never to lie. You probably swore to your partner or spouse that you would always tell the truth. In reality, though, deception is an almost universal human trait.
Milestone
Some developmental psychologists even see lying as an important milestone in our brain development. Most humans learn to lie between two and five, and being good at it as a child may signal a better verbal working memory.
Value of Deception
As counterintuitive as it sounds, deception allows us to form better relationships, create more connections, and build trust. Experts say it’s not about never lying but rather about learning when it’s appropriate.
When It’s Okay
Research suggests that lies are positive when they’re prosocial. A prosocial lie misleads but also benefits the person being lied to.
Unselfish
In other words, a prosocial lie is entirely unselfish. Telling your spouse their dress looks great even though you don’t like the color is prosocial if you’re trying to elevate their confidence.
Fine Line
However, prosocial lies are all about internal motivators. So, if you tell your spouse their dress looks great because you don’t want to wait for them to change outfits for the umpteenth time, it’s no longer a prosocial lie.
Unnecessary Harm
Most people consider prosocial lying ethical because, in situations where it makes sense, the truth would cause unnecessary harm. Studies also show that in these situations, people want to be lied to.
Not Always a Good Idea
Prosocial lies are the exception to the honesty rule. Other types of deception don’t reap positive results.
Research Says
Research shows lies made for personal gain, malice, or some other selfish reason have negative effects. A 2015 review article showed regular lying was associated with high blood pressure, elevated heart rate, and more stress hormones in the blood.
Brain Effects
Dishonesty also affects the brain. Researchers found that when people are regularly dishonest, they become desensitized. Then, their lies become larger and more frequent.
Physical Changes
Using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), researchers saw activity decrease in certain areas of the brain as people became more dishonest. Just like when we encounter a bad scent, the brain is able to adapt and make the stimuli less intense over time.
Honesty For Health
People who don’t lie regularly will have a harder time lying because their brains are still sensitive to the sensation. They may also enjoy better overall health.
Less Sore Throats
The 2012 “Science of Honesty” study revealed that less lies could mean better mental health, fewer headaches, and even fewer sore throats. Study participants who lied less also reported better relationships and social interactions.
Yet We Still Lie
Even though lying is bad in many, though not all, situations, humans can’t stop telling fibs. A 2002 study showed that 60% of people lie at least once in any given ten-minute conversation. The average was two to three lies.
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