9 Common Comments That Reinforce Outdated Social Norms in Montana

Social norms are the unwritten rules that shape how we behave in society. Some of them are useful, like saying “thank you” or waiting in line.

But others are outdated and keep us stuck in the past.

The following remarks may seem harmless on the surface. However, they reinforce expectations among Montanans that (thankfully!) no longer make sense.

“She’s Just Playing Hard to Get”

The idea that “She’s just playing hard to get” is not only outdated but also harmful. It suggests that when a woman says no, she doesn’t really mean it.

This phrase also puts pressure on women to act uninterested even if they like someone, just to avoid looking “too easy.”

It promotes dishonesty in relationships and makes communication harder.

“Boys Will Be Boys”

People often say, “Boys will be boys” when young boys misbehave, get into trouble, or act aggressively. This phrase suggests that boys are naturally wild and can’t be expected to control themselves.

Using such a phrase teaches boys that bad behavior is just part of who they are, which isn’t fair to them or the people around them.

This saying also encourages the idea that boys don’t have to be held accountable for their actions.

Over time, it can lead to bigger issues, like dismissing harmful behavior when they’re teenagers or men. Instead of shrugging off rough behavior, it’s better to teach boys that their actions have consequences, just like girls.

“You Throw Like a Girl”

“You throw like a girl” is meant as an insult, and it’s based on an outdated and unfair assumption. It suggests that girls are always weaker and less athletic than boys.

But anyone who has watched a professional softball game or seen Olympic female athletes knows that’s simply not true. Strength and skill come from practice and training, not from gender.

Phrases like this can discourage girls from participating in sports and make them feel like they have to prove themselves. A

t the same time, it pressures boys to act tough and avoid anything that seems “too girly.” It’s time to drop this phrase and recognize that athletic ability isn’t determined by gender.

“Real Men Don’t Cry”

Telling someone that “Real men don’t cry” reinforces the idea that showing emotions is weak, especially for men.

But emotions are a normal part of being human, and bottling them up isn’t healthy.

Studies show that suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. Encouraging men to hide their feelings only makes it harder for them to seek help when they need it.

This phrase also limits what it means to be a man. There is no one way to be “real.”

Some of the strongest, most successful men in history have openly expressed their emotions.

Instead of shaming men for feeling things, we should normalize talking about emotions and asking for help when needed.

“You Need to Smile More”

Telling someone—especially a woman—that she “needs to smile more” assumes that her main job is to look pleasant for others.

This comment is often said to women by strangers or coworkers, making them feel like they have to put on a happy face even when they don’t feel like it.

But no one owes anyone a smile, and people shouldn’t have to perform happiness to make others comfortable.

This comment also ignores the fact that people have their own lives, struggles, and emotions.

Maybe they’re having a tough day, deep in thought, or just don’t feel like smiling. Instead of pressuring people to look cheerful, it’s better to let them express themselves however they want.

“Boys Don’t Play With Dolls”

Telling boys they can’t play with dolls reinforces strict gender roles that don’t serve anyone well.

Playing with dolls helps kids develop empathy, caregiving skills, and creativity—things that are important for everyone, not just girls.

Studies show that children benefit from diverse types of play, regardless of gender.

When boys are discouraged from playing with dolls or doing activities seen as “girly,” it sends the message that certain interests are off-limits based on gender.

But hobbies and toys don’t have genders—kids should be free to explore and play however they want without fear of judgment.

“That’s Just How It’s Always Been”

People often use “That’s just how it’s always been” as a way to shut down discussions about change.

But just because something has been done a certain way for a long time doesn’t mean it’s the best way.

Many outdated traditions and rules have been challenged and improved over time—like women gaining the right to vote and Americans fighting for workplace equality.

This phrase discourages progress and keeps harmful social norms in place. Instead of accepting things just because they’re familiar, we should ask whether they still make sense today.

Society evolves, and questioning old ideas is a key part of making things better for everyone.

“Act Your Age”

Telling someone to “act their age” assumes that people should behave a certain way just because of their age.

But what does acting your age even mean?

Some people love being silly at 50, and others are mature beyond their years at 15. There’s no one-size-fits-all way to grow up.

This phrase also pressures people to give up things they enjoy just because society says they should.

Whether it’s playing video games, wearing fun clothes, or enjoying hobbies, people should be able to do what makes them happy without worrying about whether it fits someone else’s idea of age-appropriate behavior.

“You Should Settle Down”

The idea that everyone should “settle down” assumes that there’s only one right way to live—getting married, buying a house, and having kids.

But not everyone wants that path, and that’s okay.

Some people prefer to travel, focus on their careers, or live life without traditional commitments. That doesn’t mean they’re lost or incomplete.

This phrase puts pressure on people to follow a timeline that might not work for them.

Instead of pushing the idea that everyone needs to settle down, we should respect different life choices and understand that happiness looks different for everyone.

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Photo Credit: oneinchpunch via stock.adobe.com.

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